When it was alive it had lived a charmed life. For starters, it could wake up anytime it wanted to and do whatever it pleased to do.

Fat aunties who had no business commenting, wore a worried look on their faces, the one with the two hands over their ears, their fat fingers displaying varying ranges of kinetic motion while the mouth displaying altering volumes of “haaye dayas”. They asked that when it would grow up since they had done a very good job of it somewhat more physically than figuratively. But it kept on doing its own thing. Some of the top things it didn’t have to worry about

1. It didn’t have to worry about “things” that were stored and the way they were kept.
2. It ate whatever it wanted, whenever it wanted. Forget eating, it could drink what it wanted, where it wanted, and as much as it wanted without someone nagging with cries of “that will be enough now. .yada yada yada"
   
3. It had its own huge bed to sleep in wearing underwear with heavy metal signs on it and sleep in positions which were not even listed in the Kama Sutra and all this while snoring as if there was a snoring competition in the neighborhood.
4. It did not have to deal with insecurities(other than its own) or change itself for others.
5. It did not have to ask permission to orgasm.
6. It showered or bathed if it wanted, when it wanted, as often as it wanted, for as long as it wanted and could also leave the door open if it pleased with no objections.

In short, it put its happiness first over others but then one day a terrible thing happened. It fell in love with a female version of itself and in love it finally killed itself and whichever way you look at it, it was murdered. And not any murder….

On a cold chilly day in Gwalior, it was duly sacrificed with Vedic chants and in the presence of a few hundred people who had nothing better to do but witness such bloodshed. It put up a fight however, survived for a couple of hours as the sacrificial pier had ignition problems but the end was inevitable. A losing battle as the beauty of the female version had taken full control. And finally under all that unbearable pressure it broke and disappeared forever.

Please do not get alarmed, this is not a bloody mystery but the path to the end of my BACHELORHOOD which died a depressing death last month and unlike the phoenix, never took a rebirth, although it did wholeheartedly try. And the perpetrator behind this heinous crime is none other than the “The Nu” who keeps on popping up on this blog with increasing frequency like Tendulkar's centuries.

At the end of it all, everyone clapped and showered flowers, on the dead body, not mourning but uttering cries of joy at the birth of a new form :

A Married figure in Flesh and Blood wholly committed to “The Nu”. Who is “the Nu”, she is the bubbly fumbling cherubic girl I fell in love on a hot afternoon in Bandra. Since I have described "the Nu" before lets just have a photo of hers.

Oh wait hold on that isn’t her although she does unduly exhibit disturbing facial expressions of husband related resentment from time to time. Yes, that is complex, but that is what life becomes after you marry.

As my boss said while shaking my hand congratulating me : Now starts the painful period.

The Bacherhood is dead. Long live umm. Never mind … I am coming darling. Weeeeee……..