Back to some office stories. So off I went to the toilet to answer nature's call and what I see once I enter. All the cubicles are occupied. Not the least surprising since Americans have been stuffing themselves with all things since the discovery that bread could be sliced. All I can see are shoes, some polished(maybe the big shots), some which are in between dirty and clean and some which told me the man was rolling himself in the snow sometime or the other.
So after I am done, the cubicles still remain occupied giving me a fair indication that perhaps the meat had not gone down too well with the digestive system last night. Then suddenly one pair of feet move as the body they are attached to is done with its business. Now while he adjusts his belt, his ID card slips off which mostly hangs from the pant loops. Worst of all it slips through the bottom of the cubicle and is in full view of the public. Now what is one supposed to do, pick up the card and wait for the man to come out so that you can hand it over? Is it fair to embarrass him specially if he just one hierarchical level down from the vice president and five levels above me, high enough to make me join the ever increasing unemployed list in this recession. Fair to say, I did hang around over there a bit longer , nothing being wrong with my digestive system but just to study the reaction.
Then the big boss comes out, polished shoes, cleansed system and all. I just pretended to wash my hands. He picked his card, had a good hard look at it(the photo was taken maybe 20 years ago) and walked off nonchalantly whistling to himself.
A week ago, on a chillingly cold Friday evening I had received a phone call from my close friend Snow White (name changed to maintain her sanity, repel hate mail and ensure free dinner for the next 5 weeks) that her bathroom was under renovation and she would have to spend the next five days with me. Yes yes I know you would think that I would be walking on my hands especially since I have just one room in my house. But I was cool about it, half excited mainly because I would not feel bored cooking and there would be some company to talk to. The following is an excerpt from the phone conversation and the events which transpired that night after that which led me to conclude that it was going to be one hellish week.
I told her I was in two minds to say yes or not, not because I was a big
Hanumanji bhakt but if she was ready to defy societal norms and
she did finally come to my house with clothes and an air mattress
There were rules to be followed. After some funny noises, she asked
why was this Hitler kind of rule being imposed upon “poor” her,
so I let her know that for the next seven days she was my responsibility.
She said 'No way, you aren't my watchdog". I told her, no if she lives
with me, she has to give me a heads up when she is done with office and
I should know her whereabouts given that she is a girl so short-sighted
She said this might not work. she can't follow instructions from me
and what would I do, if she didn't live by my rules. I said that if
she breaks protocol the next day citing the reason she is out with her bf
'I won't allow you inside then' She can spend the night outside. She says
instead of me flipping my fuse and sulking over trivial things its better that
I wait before she calls and invites me to join her bf and her at a rest.
’Why would come in so late in the first place,’ I argue losing control
and even if that's the case for loitering late there is every chance that
I have already prepared dinner . I hope she feels ashamed, comes back
’Yeah but by the way Mr. cook, I have eaten at your house before,
Diwali’ she says accusingly and the next five minutes she goes overboard,
she complains, food is too spicy and hams the side effects with bad acting
Ok that's one day and we can adjust the spice factor, you hypothetical
female, besides you haven’t tried my latest cooking lady , but what if
the next day, no prizes for guessing, she is elusive once again?
No problem buddy she speaks in an appeasing tone all of a sudden , I will
call you and let you know of my plans well in advance like 2 hours before
So I tell her she better call me since I have plans to dine outside on Thu.
'Well you can count on me', she starts 'to mess up', I complete for her.
So she says nothing will go wrong and she will make sure that
on Thursday she calls me up at 7:10, and will look to be there in an hour.
I say ‘hopefully things don't turn out in the way that you call me, tell me
that you’ll be here on time, I feel all happy about myself and
then I blink an eye, its 9:45, there is no sign of her and I don't want that..
'You seem to be in a one of your bad moods,' she says but I ain't done
with what I have to say. I say to her under no circumstances I want that
...she informs me late to get ready to dine with her BF, arguing my stance
It won't happen she says and I reply that there is a strong possibility that
she'll waste my evening thinking that I will not mind and be mollified if
her BF drives up in his SUV , and we all go to Jersey City to have dinner.
Can we stop now? I am having 2nd thoughts about coming there. Anyway
from the beginning of this day , I have had a terrible headache, Oh this
Fri morning she says she didn't sleep well bcoz of the stupid house
So my voice shows a bit of concern now maybe I was being a bit too harsh
on her and I should have already been aware as for the entire day,
this gripe of hers is drilled in detail in my head through google chat
Ok I say I'll be waiting for her to move. She is a guest so I will honor that
I just don't want it to be like her workplace or social gathering where
as usual she is late, she comes and behaves remorselessly
a pause ensues for several seconds during which I hear 'a you've got mail'
message. So I ask her what is that, another ill-timed expedition by bf?
She tells me that BF wants to go to Atlantic City for a night of gambling.
'Huh, I knew it, so, what's the big deal?' I ask. 'Do you want to come ?'
she ripostes as if she was asking me to come for a stroll in the park
Gambling doesn’t interest me one bit, not even when I have a few spare
besides, I was already taking one by letting her in the house. 'Come on ,
come on , answer' she says poor bf doesn't have all day or night it seems
I say I'm tired and taunt her about she being so worn out and sleepy
Also it messes body metabolism, and according to my judgment it would
be bad to ruin tomorrow’s day and it would be regretful if the next day
Saturday she arrives at noon , flops in bed and is asleep entire afternoon
Screw your judgment. God its late and I haven't eaten anything, she
realizes. She's not here yet but is already making her own rules.
Snow white has finally woken up and is hungry. Baby needs food I guess
Damn it is so cold outside, can't even go out and buy food. What are you
making? Can I join you? BF can pick me up from here to go to A.City
I am making tea and snacks whereupon she immediately offers to help
You will have to get here quickly then which she does, looking really weary
On my querying her logic just wait for the tea big guy, she says insultingly
as if a little caffeine would make up for all the ill-treatment I have faced
I am famished she claims. Once again she acts as if she is malnourished
I hope these are not the sign of things to come. That's when
she goes through all cabinets in my kitchen and screams No chhole
I said yeah, I am single here and don’t keep much foodstuff in the house
because things get spoilt and I only eat fresh vegetables , so yet
another long debate follows on why don't I have this and blah blah…
While she ma food (chhole for which I have to get out in the freezing
cold to purchase a tin of chick peas), she praises her own cooking
We finally make something and I ask her why is she dating an idiot,
working with consultants and spending money like water at gambling?
Don’t waste time. Return to India where her mother is alone
so we have relationships and roulette table losses for dinner, not food
So how are we going to kill time till "he" comes meaning till BF poops our
mini party and lives on the idea – spend money , then girlfriend is happy
After dinner I suggest we watch a film sure she says but email check first
It is almost 12am, my enthusiasm for entertainment has waned but not
extinguished. I am yawning uncontrollably and making obvious noises
but she continues to chat online despite me giving her dirty looks
I thought we were going to watch a movie, I try reminding her cautiously
afraid that she might bite me, never know women, they only look timid
and she cares a rat's arse. The clock strikes midnight. I am snoring
No no no, my mind keeps telling me, u can't let this woman into your
house. I dreamt how she would behave on all seven days if I allowed her
Mon-bossy, Tue-fussy, Wed-careless, Thu-whimsical, Fri-gambler, Sat-lazy
Wake up you fool she dances over me like crazy but I am unmoved. I am
still dreaming ofcourse about the various horrors I might face so what if on
Sun- the lazy woman awakens at 1 pm. no point in even saying anything
RAVIN, are you listening or should I just go, she kicks me and I wake up
with a start. I quickly recall why she was coming here in the 1st place and
I am now fervently wishing, her bathroom is fixed for the next 100 years
Get ready, I will be building a nest in your house for the next six days. You
will have a nice experience of living with a girl. Get to learn in 6 days
nice experience my arse; 6 days of torture can't bear I said startling her
It takes time for her to realize what I just said. She still shamelessly
half looks at the chat, 9/20 at her cell phone 1/20th of vision towards me.
What did you say she inquires befuddled. Have you got high on the food
and tea and she laughs at her own joke. Wonder why girls do that
You are not going to come here again, you inconsiderate girl. I scold her
You are making no sense she says now getting pissed. I haven’t yet come
today is Friday , I am going to be there on a Monday , is it clear?
So I question her reason behind going to AC on such a cold Fri night
silly reply, she is under the influence of her bf and I am guessing his SUV.
You have no right to ask me, moron. That's it I am not coming, you
have insulted me and not digested the fact that I have a boyfriend
I shout,' get out if you can't stay and have a proper conversation with me
I don’t know what’s got into you suddenly. You were alright an hour ago
Fine what've I done ? tell me She demands rather loudly when
I bellow It was nice "not" having you. I can only imagine what will happen
She starts to become all apologetic like girls always do. When in trouble
speak in a voice which is close to weeping, it worked it raised my hopes
Sorry sorry, if you felt bad don’t worry, I will pay attention to you always
Ok lemme think this over and see if I can allow you here. Get minimal
luggage, also a little bit of wheat flour and treat me as a friend not servant
Suddenly Bf honks And poof! she is gone. I go off to sleep again muttering curses under my breath.
Conclusion: If you have never lived with a woman then lucky you because it is very difficult my friend. So in end did she come or didn’t she? For answers to all that and for all those who are planning to try such suicidal exploits like marriage or live ins, please go through the above experience starting from the second paragraph and maybe you might read "between the lines" and have not a second line but a third line of thought as to what you should do before helping a damsel in distress. And did I state that all of this is written to protect the integrity of Snow White?
Ok I finally watched Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. Watching the trailers, this promised to be a very exciting fare, especially seeing SRK in a moustache after a very long time (last one was Army), playing a commoner. Finally the King(of frivolity) was playing a role of a different kind after Swades and Chak De. But sorry to say, like most Shah Rukh/Yashraj/Karan Johar movies in the past, this one too starts on a promising note only to fade away into the ghisa-pita category.
Surinder Sahni(SRK) is the man next door (as opposed to boy although with SRK expect anything) who works as a clerk at Punjab Power. A cruel twist of fate sees him getting married to Taani, a young, bubbly and vivacious girl(introducing the beautiful Anushka Sharma), a girl whom he falls in love at first sight. But the problem is, he is a boring man while she craves for a life which is much more spirited and loving than anything Surinder can give her. In order to impress her, Suri does a complete makeover and becomes her dance partner Raj for a local competition. She does not recognize him as he is worlds apart from her humdrum husband. He has flair, biceps, tight jeans and the cheek to flirt with her. So will she choose Raj over her husband or be that goody goody Indian bahu and stay with Mr. Suri? Will she recognize that Raj is the same as Suri? Will Aditya Chopra stop making constant references to previous Yashraj movies? Will SRK stop acting over the top? Will we the audience be spared from such rubbish?
RNBDJ has a wafer thin plot and a ludicrous one at that. The script is a letdown. How can a person not recognize one’s own husband? Ignoring this outrageous cinematic liberty there is precious little character development for Taani despite there being plenty of scope. After the breezy initial thirty minutes or so the movie goes off at a tangent with constant references to Rab at every sticky situation. Like Ekta Kapoor serials, the characters speak to themselves in several scenes which make it agonizingly boring. The motorcycle and sumo wrestling scenes are plain gimmick and should have been trimmed.
Coming to performances, SRK excels as Suri but is loud as Raj. It is largely due to his role as Suri that the film works in parts. Anushka Sharma is confident and simply looks gorgeous in certain scenes. She is a bit tall for our man though. The most likeable performance in the movie comes from Vinay Pathak who plays Surinder’s trusted friend Bobby. As far as music is concerned ‘Haule Haule’ is a brilliant composition and Tujhme Rab Dikhta hai comes in a close second. The other songs are average. Cinematography as with all Yashraj films is superior. On the whole Rab ne while different from other movies in regards to being set in a small town and talking about ordinary people, fails to live up to our expectations mainly because of the writing. Watch it only if you are a die hard SRK fan living by the commandment “thou shall not miss any SRK movie”. Otherwise it is more of a case of"Rab Ne bana di jodi yaa kisi ne sunaa di lori".
First Happy New Year to all of you. Hope we have a great year free from recession and George Bush. Moving on
At last the long awaited Ghajini. The hype surrounding this movie was bigger than the movie itself with Nicholson my room partner heading straight for the barber to have a Ghajini look of his own. Its another matter that he is already bald from the front and ten dollars for just making a line(for the scar) with the blade was not worth it and that too behind the ear somwhere. So coming back to the movie
Ghajini as we all know takes its basic premise from the noir classic Memento with Sanjay Singhania(Aamir Khan, beefed up and all) sporting tattoos over the body and Polaroids for record keeping. This is because he is out to avenge his deceased girlfriend(Asin) but suffers from amnesia as in the original. But the similarities end there. While Memento dives deeply into the psychology and anguish of the protagonist with its unique reverse chronological storytelling, Ghajini charts a completely different path. In keeping with Hindi film tradition, we have a well developed love story and pleasing songs. The movie goes back and forth from present to past situations with Aamir Khan's diary providing info on his love life. How he pieces clues to reach the villain forms the crux of the story.
The movie is very pacy and so doesn't even give you a chance to think for a second. It is only after certain reflection that you realize the plot is quite ridiculous. There are gaping loopholes especially the one that Asin's character has never seen Sanjay Singhania, a well known entrepreneur. It is pure masala and the climax is unnecessary dragged but Aamir's histrionics and the new heroine keep it very entertaining indeed. Aamir is first rate as always and smashes the chocolate hero image we had in our minds notwithstanding the eight packs and other stupid marketing gimmicks. The surprise package is the new girl Asin who being a Malayalee speaks very good Hindi and acts well. And once again my roomie Nicholson who is also a christian catholic from Kerala like her had a grin as wide as a Cheshire cat. I had half a urge to give him a few more scars after that - regional bast****
Stripped down fundamentally Ghajini is a mindless action movie. However dumb it might be but definitely entertainment galore.
